If you love your husband or wife.....?

how could you cheat on them? How could you do it more than once (in varying degrees) %26amp; lie to their face about it? She told me about the 5 month torrid affair to start with, but then told me about 2 other instances of infidelity that happened over the years. We%26#039;ve been together almost 8 %26amp; married 3. How can you say you love your spouse %26amp; inflict this kind of pain with no regard for your spouse at all? If there%26#039;s no honesty, repect, trust and a truly damaged line of communication, what the hell is there to fight for? %26quot;We%26#039;re so good together%26quot;. If we were, I wouldn%26#039;t be writing this, right? Memories %26amp; history? That%26#039;s all they%26#039;ll ever be because everything has changed, right?





We%26#039;re both in counseling but not in couples counseling. We don%26#039;t really talk about it. She backs down %26amp; I really don%26#039;t want to know...just knowing it happened is enough. You tell me people...it seems like the handwriting is on the wall. It%26#039;s over, right?





The only silver lining to this is that we don%26#039;t have kids|||I%26#039;m a marriage/family counselor and I see your pain every day. I have also seen cheaters absolutely devastated by what they have done.





I can only say, stay in counseling. The two of you should be in couples counseling also. I don%26#039;t blame you if you feel it is time to walk away. Reconciling or not is up to you.





Good luck.|||I would say so. If my husband ever cheated on me, I know for sure that I%26#039;d leave him. But that%26#039;s my personal opinion... I think that if you%26#039;re really in love with someone that you would never hurt them in that way.|||No one here can truly say its over for the two of you. Could you two come back from it, sure many have. The biggest question is has she over come her selfish self centered ways. If not, then the hope is bleek, if she has and your willing to forgive and move forward then the hope has a great light. What ever you do be sure not to have any during the make up period.|||I am of the opinion that when you love someone, you would never bestow upon them the ULTIMATE betrayel.|||She sounds insensitive try theraphy together that is if you want the relationship to continue, only you know that.|||Silver lining is that you don%26#039;t have kids? or is that, part of the reasons of the clouds are there in the first place? If she loves you, she WILL talk to you. Just go to couples counselling. Just try. Too many divorces nowadays. Just work on it first.|||Cut your loses and move on. It may be hard in the beginning, but when you find that someone who will give you everything you need, and not cheat on you - you%26#039;ll wish you would have left earlier.





Once a cheater, always a cheater.





Start a new life and start being happy!|||Yes it is definitely over. That is not a marriage worth fighting for, because it isn%26#039;t really a marriage without those key traits you speak of (trust, honesty, respect). Your wife is no kind of wife at all and you should seriously divorce her cheating ***. You deserve better, everyone deserves more than a spouse cheating on them, especially since it has happened more than once!





Looks like your minds made up. Take the memories of the good times, be glad you don%26#039;t have kids to fight over, and get it over with.|||It hurts now but you%26#039;ll find the light at the end of the tunnel.





It%26#039;s a good thing you don%26#039;t have kids or things could be more complicated. You have every right to be angry and honestly she%26#039;s a liar if she told you that she loves you because when you love somebody you don%26#039;t hurt them in this type of way. ~Love conquers all~|||Cheaters...I think just to it for the exciment, its new, its dangerous...Once a cheater, always a cheater...Is right in most cases....Is she sorry....Maybe not fully if she can bring herself to cheat on you again....Its good that you guys arent going through this with kids....Do you want kids? She doesnt seem to be the right women to have kids with...Good Luck.|||You shouldnt write on the wall. Now you have to paint over it.|||Mistake one: she told you about her life....bad idea, was cruel and only serves to clear HER conscience by dumping on you...this wasn%26#039;t coming clean, it was nasty of her, period.





Mistake two: You are person who cannot deal with cheating. You take this personally, and that was not what it was/is about ...it is about HER, not you. No matter who she is with, she will do the same thing, for she likes the excitement of %26quot;new,%26quot; something you, nor anyone else can give for more than a few months.





Mistake three: Asking if this is handwriting....you and I know perfectly well that you will NEVER be at peace with this woman again, you will always be wondering where she is, who she is with.... Leave now, for it is totally hopeless for your life to be lived in a state of fear and jealousy. Know that whomever she inflicts herself on in the future will have to deal with the same thing. count your blessings that you have escaped with a bruised ego and hurt pride. The love will fade, just don%26#039;t let it make you bitter, for she will have won were you to do that. Not all women are like the one you have...and in fact, very few are. Good luck.|||I%26#039;d never cheat on my husband because I love him.|||Cut your losses and move on. Don%26#039;t wait around for her to cheat on you again. This can%26#039;t be a healthy relationship for you. Sorry this happened to you.|||Get out now. She to backs down in counseling. That tells me she doesn%26#039;t love nor respect you.|||It%26#039;s an incredible silver lining that you don%26#039;t have kids. Be thankful for that.





Many couples make a go of it after infedility but it is difficult and the relationship is never the same (And the ones that work have usually only had one incident. i.e. one night stand).





She is a selfish person who uses other men to stroke her own ego. Is this someone you want to have to work with daily to build a lasting relationship?





With multiple notches on her belt, do you believe she won%26#039;t do it again? What happens when she does it again?





File now. You had nice memories but you%26#039;re not making any new nice ones. If she is never %26quot;punished%26quot; for her crimes, how will she learn? Make something good come out of this. Be the one that teaches her she can%26#039;t treat people that way and then still keep them.|||It doesn%26#039;t have to be over if you want to forgive her, but I couldn%26#039;t live with it myself. What if she would have brought home some disease to you? I couldn%26#039;t trust her and yes I agree with you, if you truly love someone there is no way you could betray their trust like that! Best wishes on a bright future!|||Leave. if you stay you will only be wasting your time. This will come up in every fight u have from here on out. She lost you, she was selfish and disregarded any consiquences. There is someone out there, she is not your %26quot;one%26quot;. Go find someone that is worth your time.





Good luck|||You deserve better. Leave her where she stands, and get some peace. My husband would never do that to me, and I would never do that to him.





If you really want this to work out then it will take a lot of strength on your part. In fact the decision is yours, you know what you can handle. I personally would not put up with that, kids or not.|||Oh, that is not just a silver lining....it is a golden lining. Talk to a divorce lawyer today and find out your rights. This is a serial cheater and she isn%26#039;t going to change. The only reason she tells you about her cheating is to clear her conscious. It is just another selfish act on her part. She cheats which is selfish and then she tells you which is even more selfish. She will not change with counseling. Divorce her. In another year, begin dating (not sooner) and find a woman to date that is faithful and a friend. You deserve happiness and a life that isn%26#039;t chaos. Go after it. Before you know it, you will be older and sorry you didn%26#039;t leave sooner.|||I agree with you and am so sorry for you. I%26#039;m glad for you that there are no kids involved. I think you are better off if you just leave her, let her stew in her mistakes and realize she has lost you for good. I don%26#039;t know how people can hurt their spouses this much for cheating. I%26#039;ve never understood it either, but maybe she loves you and is just weak. Either way, you are within your rights to leave her, never look back, and find someone new that will not cheat on you. If you could work it out, that would be great, but it sounds like your trust for her is gone and you don%26#039;t feel there is anything left to fight for. You are probably right. Good luck %26amp; God bless.|||sounds like you%26#039;ve had it but .... Love





I believe that it is said that love hopes all things believes all things and endures all things.....





so if you really love someone.... would it hurt yes.... could you do it as well.... probably, if circumstances were right... would you leave them on their own if you loved them... yes you could ... you do not have to live with someone who disrespects you.... can you stop loving them... i do not know that is possible...





but you can learn to live without them and their ways of causing you pain





it is simply up to you amd what you are WILLING to endure





that is if you truly love them|||ok, i have friends that are married and do the same to there husbands. I just dont understand why they do it either, you might love her and all but look, leave her find someone else that will treat you with respect and not do you so wrong. Im sure its going to be hard but hey you never know if somones out there thats going to treat you better. She married you for a reason and said she loved you but doesnt seen like she cared about you enough, if she had to cheat, not just once but several times. But hey do what you want or what you feel you should do.|||Thank goodness there are no kids involved. Things happen for a reason, you know. In my opinion, she doesn%26#039;t love you. You sound like a great guy and you don%26#039;t deserve what your going through. Maybe you guys should get a divorce, because it doesn%26#039;t sound like she is willing to work things out. I know it wil be difficult for you, but you need to be with someone who truly loves and respects you.|||you hurt the ones you love most. ask her is there something that these people are giving her that you aren%26#039;t they all might have the same characteristics. Forgivness should only come when a person understands what they have done and make a choice not to do it anymore if they keep doing it the apology wasn%26#039;t sincere. She needs to tell you what is wrong and try to rectify it together. Remember that you thought you were great together when you thought she wasn%26#039;t cheating. If you decide to forgive her DO NOT BRING IT UP IN AN ARGUMENT LATER ON. memories and history are in the past you can be her friend but you can also focus on you future.|||Oh yeah, it%26#039;s over. Sounds like it has been for a long time. I%26#039;m all for honoring your vows and not throwing in the towel, but this case is exceptional.





And one more thing: you should repost this question as if you%26#039;re the wife and your husband did this to you, and see what kind of responses you get. For some reason, when the woman cheats, people say %26quot;get counseling%26#039;, but when the man cheats, they say %26quot;leave his *** and take everything!%26quot;





Is that equality we%26#039;ve been fighting for, ladies?|||I%26quot;m so sorry that this has happened to you. The problem isn%26#039;t even the sex as much as it is the dishonesty, sneakiness, disrespect, and total disregard for your feelings. It%26#039;s completely selfish. When is sex with someone even close to being rewarding enough to warrant ruining a love? I don%26#039;t understand this thinking anymore than you do.


All you can do is ask her WHY. But I%26#039;ve never heard a good reason why in all the years I%26#039;ve been listening to the whys. The details of the shameful affairs aren%26#039;t necessary...but the WHY sure is important.


Your wife belongs in a swingers marriage.





Just remember this...there are literally millions of FINE honest women out there who are searching the globe for a man who will be devoted, honest, and trustworthy...and they can%26#039;t find one...


whereas your wife isn%26#039;t worthy of you.|||If you were together for 5 years before you married, I%26#039;m pretty sure you saw the signs, and just decided to ignore them. A person who lies, lies most of the time. They are self-centered and egotistic. They always blame someone else for their mistakes. She obviously, has issues, she needs to get help for, or she will always find herself seeking for something she will never find.





You, however, chose to stay with her. Once, twice, and even three times, to forgive and forget, it%26#039;s up to you. But, when you cease to trust the person you live with, then you are wasting your time. You can%26#039;t change her, you shouldn%26#039;t hold it against her anymore, every day you choose to stay with her, is letting her know that you are willing to accept her as she is. When you decide that you deserve to be with someone, you love, trust and be happy, you will know. Good luck.|||First of all I am sorry to hear of what you are going through, but it happens.. I have been through the same thing but for about 12 years...On and off...And he had kids elsewhere.. 2 with me....Anyways, we are together again. I love him...And i know he loves me..We did not go through counseling, but I truly believe in communication....We let all our feelings out, reasons for the infidelity, as you can see......WE LET OUT EVERYTHING.... Things have changed, and this time we both realized that we (both cheated)..We put all our past behind...Started a new life..... And never ever do we bring it up...And I help him with his kids..... It took so long for both of us to realize that we were both miserable w/out each other, but we were both very prideful that we did not let each other show our true feelings.. If you realize that your love is unconditional, trust me you can put everything behind (sure you will have that doubt in your head every ones in a while), but be strong, think positive, and PRAY to God that HE helps you put all those ugly thoughts behind...It will work....Experience talks....Good luck....|||Unfortunately, yes..it%26#039;s over. Once a cheater, always a cheater. It%26#039;s disgusting. You%26#039;re rite there is no way you can love your spouse and kids and then cheat on them like this.