I have a problem with emotions and basically myself. I need an answer.?

Ok.


First of all. id like something to help describe me.


i%26#039;ve looked through schizoid, schizotypal, avoidant, all these things are commong factor with a problem. Social.


im not a social person talking in person, but im exceedingly social on the computer, why is this? why is it i can speak miles yet say so little in a life meeting?


another question.


I prefer to be alone because i enjoy it, because im a pisces. but does that explain the preferability to WANT to be alone? to NOT want friends, except very few,


lets explain a few personality traits? or symptoms?


questions i dont want to answer angers me,


critisism makes me either smirk, or feel the need to punch something.


i prefer to be alone yet i want to talk to people, but only when i want to, making friends has them talk to me whenever they want to, which most of the time i prefer being alone. i know this is selfish, but, everyone needs someone.. but im debating whether i care about it or not, i mean on the outside, even on here, im beginning to type emotions i dont even feel, im beginning to feel nothing at all, anger? only in privacy, happiness? i dont even remember how it feels. i need counceling that much is ture but i dont want the therapy. i%26#039;ve been to a therapist, but i have this ability to make someone think differently, im a perfect lier i can lie my butt off and make someone think im a totaly different person, as if im a master of disguise, i DONT do it on purpose. it comes naturaly.. i adore music, yes, rock and metal, punk rock, but the only anger id express in reality that isnt online is my anger and hatred of country music, or foods i dislike, is it really that bad to not care? i just had a death in the family and i think i almost smirked! now my grandmother is weeks from death and i still feel nothing! yet it isnt happiness nor sadness, just a complete emptiness, is it because im always feeling the same thing and im preoccupied in something else to notice current events? if i didnt want help id obviously not be typing this out to the public.. i dont want therapy, i just want answers, answers i cannot get on my own, i%26#039;ve always thought to myself that, someone else cannot make you change yourself, only you can. im not trying to change myself, im beginning to like this feeling of not careing for a darn thing but myself and the people closest to me, is that bad? is it bad that if someone dies in the paper that i dont care? because i never knew him/her? i dont know anymore... i guess what im asking is, what is the answer to these basic problems


ability to show emotion on the outside perfectly, yet feel nothing inside


constant feeling of end, as if last moments of life are always near


paranoia and suspicion of others but not sever as in eye directness from left to right,


unsocial to the point of not careing to talk to others even when i wish to talk to them i just cant,


has a speech problem yet has no problem typing it out.


sloppy handwriting,


bad at math


perfect knowledge, very good grades a perfect student,


horrible social skills, speech skills


worst of all is the inability to express the true emotions


constant fear of being heard or seen that i dont do anything i feel like doing unless completely alone


doesnt express myself until completely alone


doesnt express anything but a mumbled response to anyone outside of the immediate family and close friends


is it fear? or just not careing?


i dont even know the emotions i feel anymore!


i ask your help because im about to crack yet i dont seek professional aid, for to me they are no help because i desire none from others, i want to be able to help myself yet i need advice. please, give me advice.


this is all, if i sound crazy to you then i obviously must be, yet i think perfectly, i am a perfect student in schools in every area except math and health class, health for the reason of not remembering definitions to long words and not careing to read over long pages of notes.


i am a 16 year old male pisces with a problem asking help.


i know its jumbled but please try to understand it.. i tend to go on and on..|||Interesting set of characteristics there. I can say a few things. I know exactly what you are talking about when you say you have difficulty with expressing yourself. I have always had social problems as well however when explaining it on the computer it is perfect. I cant really explain what i want to say and so i will render myself as an image of a crazy person sputtering random words. I know what i want to say but it gets confusing- i cant say any jokes without ruining them nor can i freely talk with people that easily. I also know what you mean when you say you prefer to be alone. I enjoy my solitude as it enables me to freely be who i am without the perception of others. I think you may want to speak with someone (if the problem doesn%26#039;t get addressed on yahoo ) about how you feel. It is very very important that you do this. im 15 right now and i had quite a few issues the past few years but i was able to talk with my doctor (he will never reveal anything you share to him to anyone- confidentiality is absolute) and get help. I want you to copy all that you%26#039;ve typed up, and i want you to save it somewhere safe- please do this. and when you are ready give it to your doctor. At your next physical or something. but please do so at a young age- as you may be traumatized by this (something that can be prevented and trust me- there are alternatives :) ) Also, as a teen, the body undergoes massive change and this change includes the augmentation and variation of chemicals within the brain during puberty. so it may also be this. But if it has been like this for your whole life then its fine- unless it bothers you (in which case please copy this and give it to your doctor) p.s.: when i see the obituaries i dont really feel much either- it may be normal but everyone functions in a way. The person may not be related to you- in effect you don%26#039;t really care. (like me , i mean i realize the person died but i cant feel sad for everyone and so i just turn the page.)


take care


-teslacakes|||I think your %26quot;poor%26quot; social skills are caused due to the fact that you may constantly be REALLY worried about what others think of you (without realizing it).





Your lack of emotions confuses me, mainly because I basically suffer from the same problem.





I personally don%26#039;t think you are crazy at all.





Not 100% sure whether or not these answers will help or not, but I hope they do. If I think of anything else that may help you I%26#039;ll post it.





Oh, and you find it easier to release your mind on the internet because there is a %26quot;wall%26quot; between you and everyone else. They do not know you, and may never know you. But, if they care enough they can share their knowledge to assist you with your problems in life.|||It isn%26#039;t unusual to like being alone. Everyone likes to be alone at times and some like to be alone all the time. As for the not being really able speaking to your friends part, then perhaps deep down, you do care about something - what people think of you. (I don%26#039;t know if i am correct) But, if that is the case then that is not unusual neither. If this has been going on for a long time (a very long time - years) then i do think you may need professional help, otherwise, if it has been going on say a few months, then this may be just a phase you are going through. One other thing, no, you are not crazy. This may sound weird, but if you want, you could try standing in the mirror and pretend your reflection is one of your friends, then practice various conversations and maybe it will give you a bit more confidence. I think that it may be confidence that you actually need. Try doing something that you have never done before, for example, if you are scared of spiders, hold a spider, or snakes... find somewhere were you can come up close to a snake, etc... Things like this may boost your confidence a lot, knowing that you have done something you never thought you could do.


Good Luck!!|||It is very possible to have traits from a number of different personality disorders. I can%26#039;t really pass judgment on the Avoidant or schizotypal but I am Schizoid so..... you do show some traits of schizoid but not all. You do have emotions..... maybe all you recognize is the anger and fear but they are emotions none the less. Typically we do not feel that there is anything wrong with us. We like ourselves and are very comfortable with ourselves and have little to no desire to change. You seem to feel a lot of anger when you are critisized..... we don%26#039;t care one way or another. We do do some socializing on the net but for me, even that is minimal and I can occasionally make a friend but usually after a week or two I get bored and just ignore them until they go away. You seem very worried about it all which would point away from Schizoid but you do still show a few schizoid traits.





There are online tests that you can take but don%26#039;d put too much stock in them. The Jung Personality test just puts you into one of 16 personility tests but Schizoids almost universally fall into onf of those groups. The personality disorder I hesitate to even put here because it%26#039;s like putting a single grain of salt on your steak....... The true MMPI is over 500 questions long and costs a couple of hundred dollars to take but here%26#039;s the website. If you do take them, be completely honest....... no sense lying to yourself.





http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality鈥?/a>





http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTyp鈥?/a>





Keep in mind, personailty disorders are just normal personality traits taken to an unhealthy extreme....... I would guess that you are more avoidant that schizoid, the reason you have no problem socializing on the net is because you have no speech problem there....... You have a fear of people seeing you which is definitly avoidant and NOT schizoid.





You don%26#039;t sound at all crazy..... just confused and honestly I think you are pretty badly depressed. I know you say you don%26#039;t want it but therapy can really help in a number of areas. I am in therapy for Bipolar, and DID NOS, but we do not work on the schizoid because I argue that it isn%26#039;t really a disorder. A Disorder is defined as something that distresses you and interferes with you ability to function. I am not distressed and I function just fine, I work, I pay my bills, I don%26#039;t fear the world, I just don%26#039;%26#039;t belong to it. I don%26#039;t know that being a pisces means anything....... I am a leo so I%26#039;m supposed to be gregarious and a person who loves to be the center of attention. I am so not that.





Anyway.. good luck with it and I really do suggest you get some help for the depression at least....... it can make all the bad things in yoru life seem 10 times worse that they really are.